How to Make Friends as an Adult (and Actually Keep Them)
Because your soul deserves a soft, supportive sisterhood.
Let’s be real: making friends as an adult can feel awkward, vulnerable, and even a little scary. Unlike school or college, where friendships bloomed naturally, adult life requires intentionality—and sometimes a little courage. But building meaningful, soul-nourishing friendships in your 30s, 40s, and beyond is absolutely possible (and deeply worth it).
Here’s how to make friends as an adult—and actually build a community that feels good to be in.
Start with Self-Awareness
Friendship starts within. Ask yourself:
What kind of energy do I want in my life?
What do I value in a friend—consistency, humor, vulnerability?
Am I open to being seen?
Knowing what you’re looking for helps you spot it—and reciprocate it—when it shows up.
Put Yourself Where Connection Can Happen
This doesn’t mean hitting the club every weekend (unless that’s your thing). Instead, try:
Joining community classes (yoga, pottery, dance, pilates)
Attending women’s circles, retreats, or meetups
Volunteering for a cause you care about
Co-working at local cafes or shared workspaces
Look for intentional environments where people are open to connection.
Be the First to Reach Out
Most adults are just as nervous as you are to make the first move. Say hi. Compliment their outfit. Ask if they want to grab coffee after class. Vulnerability creates room for real connection.
📌 Soft Tip: Start small. “Hey, I’ve seen you at class a few times. Want to grab a smoothie after this?” is all it takes.
Use Technology Intentionally
Yes, social media can actually help! Try:
Joining local Facebook or Geneva groups
Following and DM’ing like-minded people on Instagram or TikTok
Using friend-finding apps like Bumble BFF or Hey! Vina
✨ Bonus: Healing Hunnies is building a cozy community for like-minded women—subscribe to our email list to stay in the loop!
Nurture the Friendship Like a Plant
Friendship requires maintenance, not perfection.
Follow up after you meet.
Make time—even if it’s just a walk or voice note
Be reliable and transparent with your time and energy
The goal is not many friends, but meaningful ones.
Heal the Parts That Fear Connection
Sometimes we struggle to make or keep friends because of past wounds—rejection, betrayal, being left out. That’s okay. Acknowledge it. Journal about it. Talk it through with a therapist or mentor.
Friendship isn’t just about others—it’s also about healing your relationship with yourself.
Trust That Your People Are Out There
You are not too late. You are not too much. There is a sisterhood waiting for you—women who see you, celebrate you, and support your softness and your strength.
So, maybe you're not doing great in this. It's kind of ok to be confused, friendless and lonely. The secret truth is that most people are--and being friendless is a natural part of becoming an adult. The biggest source of a lot of anxiety, doubt and self-loathing comes new social interactions. Some questions you may be wondering: How do I make friends as an adult? How do I avoid showing that I'm nervous, shy or socially awkward?
Filling your life with friends has a wide range of benefits. However, it's no longer as easy as it once was. In this post we examine how to make friends as an adult, give tips on adult friendships, and take a look into the challenges we commonly face when creating friendships as adults. We hope you find this useful rather than just another post on how to make friends as an adult, but please share with others if you find this content useful!
Realize it is a lot harder to make friends as an adult than you probably realize.
Not having a lot of friends does not say a lot about you as a person.
Realize that everyone is probably just as nervous as you are.
Don't get too caught up in your own head.
You might need to do things that you don't want to in order to meet people.
Don't give up on trying to make new friends because you're shy or socially anxious.
Put yourself out there, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
Keep trying even if it seems like no one is interested in being your friend.
Look for fun, new experiences with other people.
Be patient. Making friends as an adult is hard, but it's not impossible or scary when you know how to approach it in the right way and have the right mindset about it.
We've all been there: You're at a party, and you're looking for someone to talk to. But the only people you know are your coworkers, and they don't seem to want to talk about anything other than work.
So Don't Rush It
One of the biggest mistakes people make when they're trying to make friends is rushing into it too quickly. When we're kids, we learn how to play with other kids by playing with them right away—we don't wait for a year or two before making friends with them (unless maybe we've moved schools). But when we hit adulthood and start looking for friends, we tend to forget this important lesson. It's okay if you feel like you're just getting started! The important thing is that you keep trying—and don't be afraid if it takes some time for things to click into place.
Find Common Ground
Perhaps the most effective way to strike up a conversation with a stranger is to find a common interest. Something you have in common helps you connect and can lead to other topics of conversation.
Making friends as an adult is hard. But it’s not impossible.
The key is to be intentional about your friendships and to be patient. Here are some additional tips on how to make friends as an adult.
If you're in a new city or town, don't be afraid to meet new people. You may want to start with a social activity that already has other people in it — like a class, book club or sports team — instead of just walking up to strangers on the street. If you're going out with friends, ask them if they know anyone else who might be there too. And if your interests overlap with someone else's (say, if you both love hiking), see if they want to go too!
Seek out activities that encourage networking
If you're looking for new friends, try going to events where other people may be interested in meeting new people too: conferences and networking events are good places to start! These events have the added benefit of being more structured than just walking up to someone at random because they'll give you something more interesting than small talk (e.g., presentation content).
See yourself as a person who can make friends
If you believe that you are not good at making friends or that it's difficult for you to start conversations with strangers, then it will be true for you. Instead of thinking about all the reasons why making friends is hard for you, focus on the things that make it easy for others — like their outgoing personalities or their easygoing attitudes toward strangers.
Look for opportunities where you can meet new people in your community or at work. The more opportunities you have to meet people, the better your chances of making new friends will be because there are more potential matches out there!
Take advantage of community events like coffee shops, book clubs and hobbies groups where people gather regularly and are looking for others who share their interests — they may become your new pals!
Practice social skills such as speech and eye contact
Making new friends as an adult can be a daunting task. But with the right approach, it can be a lot of fun, too.
There are many reasons why people don't make friends as adults. Maybe they're not comfortable reaching out to strangers or they think they're just not good at making friends. Whatever the reason, it's important to remember that we're all human, and we all want to connect with others.
Take time for yourself
It's easy to get caught up in your daily routine and lose sight of what makes you happy. When was the last time you took time for yourself? Find a hobby that interests you or try something new like rock climbing or surfing lessons. Find something that will give you a boost of energy and happiness so that when you do meet someone new, you'll be excited about life again!
Volunteer (or join) a club or organization where people have similar interests as yours
— even if it's online! This is a great way to meet people who share similar interests as you while doing good in your community at the same time! You never know who will become your next best friend!
The secret to making friends as an adult is to realize that you don't need lots of friends. Instead, it's the quality of friendship that counts in the end. Don't worry about the quantity, worry about the connection you have with your friend. As it turns out, sometimes to make one good (or great) friend, you have to talk to a lot of people first and put yourself out there. But at the end of the day, your faith will be rewarded and all those initial interactions will lead to some type of connection that can benefit you in the future. Life is too short not to have good friends in your social circle.
Final Reflection
Making friends as an adult requires bravery, boundaries, and a little softness. But the reward? A life that feels more supported, more joyful, and less lonely. And you deserve that.
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